I have betrayed my blog by not posting in so long, but I have been struggling for inspiration and the guts to post what I have been thinking and feeling while working away from home. I guess when you work and hang out with the same people every day you worry that people may judge you for the things you write and there is no escaping it. But maybe I need to have more faith in myself and others that people won’t make assumptions and judge me based on a blog.
It’s been a rough couple of days for me. Things change, people change, and it’s hard to deal with change when you’re so far away from home and the people you love.
It is even harder when you’re an over thinker, like myself, and you’re constantly looking for answers; wondering what it all means in the grand scheme of your life. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that you learn from experiences to lead onto the next thing. I believe there is a goal to life, a lesson to be learnt, because if there isn’t, then what is the point? That may sound bleak, but I actually think it’s a positive.
I have had so many knock backs in my life, struggles that I never thought I would get through, and yet here I stand today, stronger than ever. One more knock back won’t destroy me. Nor will the next one, or the next one after that.
People come into your life for a reason. Whether it is a positive or a negative experience; they teach you something.
I don’t let people into my life easily; I have a lot of walls up, primarily down to how poorly people have treated me in the past. I don’t trust easily as trust has been thrown back in my face, so now I keep a lot of things to my chest. It hurts when you let people into your life only to have them turn around and degrade you.
I often wonder what it is that my soul has to learn in this life. I initially thought that it was to embrace my fears and tackle them, considering how much fear dominates my life, but now I think that it has to do with relationships with people.
I don’t believe that anyone is an intentionally bad person, and that’s why I can never get my head around how people commit inexplicable acts. I guess I expect too much from people because I would do anything for people I care about, but I can’t hold that against them. If people don’t want to reciprocate positive interactions then, as a good friend recently said to me, ‘never stop loving; never change who you are and how much you give.’
I have loyal, wonderful, interesting friends, a family that I love unconditionally and feel safe with, and a healthy body with a sound state of mind. I also have a kick ass job right now that is allowing me to travel the world with generous, talented people. I am so very lucky to have the things that I have in my life, so to be held back by a negative experience would be foolish.
I don’t forgive and I don’t forget. Not anymore. But I learn and I move on.
There are so many people in life that are worth your time and affection. That’s why negative experiences happen. To help you realise who and what really matters.
Feel sorry for those who don’t have you in their lives. They’re missing out!